The Complete Family !

1982 was a year when we started planning our family . We always wished for 2 children ….that was supposed to be an ideal family then…”Hum do Humare Do” being the hit slogan of those times ..which has now woefully become “hum do humara ek”!!
To know what would be the opportune time for Dumdum’s sibling to surface we went to Delhi as my brother-in-law(my cousin sister’s husband) ,who was a child Psychologist was practicing there. On meeting him and discussing this particular issue with him was enlightening as besides stressing on the need for 2 children at least …he said a gap of 3 years was ideal . And so December 1982 emerged bearing good news again for the family ! This time the same doctor ..Dr.V.K.Singh made her own calculations and told us that 25th August 1983 would be the prospective date for us to become parents once again.
Chachi(my mother-in-law) was again beaming with fresh twinkle in her eyes ….my sisters –in-law were overjoyed to hear the news and so were both of us ! By the way in June that year 1982 Pumpum had already been blessed with a sibling……a younger brother !! So it was like as if good things were happening in quick succession for the family !
The year began with excitement about Dumdum’s new school..and finally his first day of school dawned. He himself was quite happy at the prospect of going to school and adjusted easily in a few days time . Soon he became so fond of school that it was difficult to explain to him why Sundays were holidays to the extent that on one such Sunday we had to literally take him to his school to show him that it was closed, as he was not ready to listen to our excuses !
The year progressed and I was experiencing once again the vehement moving and shaking and kicking inside me as a subtle hint, obviously denoting the restlessness, almost shouting .. “ Let me out!!” On 14th August I developed an uneasiness and on consulting my doctor was advised to take bed rest as the stage was set for the new entrant .
Dumdum’s significant birth date ..26th January ,being Republic Day had triggered several wild guesses about the prospective date of the newcomer , which could coincide with a National Day of similar imporatnce …as the date suggested was around that period and in the same month. Sensing our silent sentiments the doctor told me to take complete bed rest…which I did to avoid an early delivery ! Bhabhi was duly informed . For me her presence was extremely reassuring in such times specially. Bade dada and bhabhi reached Kanpur soon.
Next morning i.e on 15th I had to be shifted to the nursing home…R.K.Devi nursing home it was…and I was administered pain- inducing injections which would supposedly activate the requisite pain and I remember bhabhi was by my side all the time monitoring the dose etc. The injections were fulfilling their purpose as, I was soon convulsed with an intense ,stabbing pain which came in spasms , receeded for a short time and then began all over again. This much-needed discomfort continued throughout the day till the evening ..the doctor after her last visit at night gave necessary instructions to bhabhi and went home telling us she should be informed when required. The night seemed to be endless for me as the violent pains were continuously and now with even more ferocity racking my body .It was a stormy night too outside the precincts of the nursing home, as it had started raining heavily, accompanied with strong winds. At around midnight, bhabhi told him to fetch the doctor as she sensed that very soon I would have to be shifted into the labour room. My husband told me later how the streetsbeing lashed by the torrential downpour were almost obscure so that driving was tedious ..and the strong gale was making it more difficult. He said heavy downpour reminded him of the folk-lore attached to the night of Krishnaji’s birth ! Anyway the doctor was aroused from her slumber and soon came to my side…I was by then already in the labour room.. ..in a terrible state as the prolonged pain had completely exhausted me .And then things started happening fast ..in a trance I heard bhabhi,the doctor and the nurses all crowding around me ,telling me to put in all my strength and cooperate.
And once again I heard for the second time the welcome ,relieving cry of my redeemer ! Immediately I looked up at the clock to mark the time …and I saw it was 1.30p.m . So 15th August ,India’s historic day acquired a stupendous and electrifying significance for us ( the parents) since then ! The doctor I heard was telling bhabhi “see I told you it had to be a boy with all the commotion that he was creating !!"and thus I learnt that my second-born was a boy.
This news was soon passed on to my husband and my mother who were waiting expectantly…..and my husband rushed home to give the good news to everyone in the middle of the night. Chachi was again euphoric and hearing her excited voice Dhyani and Bade dada also woke up…Dumdum was peacefully sleeping with his chacha and learnt about his baby brother only next morning when he came to visit us at the hospital with Chachi etc. Dhyani told me that like a good boy he had gone through his morning ablutions understanding very well the reason for my not being at home .Seeing his baby brother he was quite amused as he was for the first time setting his eyes on such a small,hudled –up creature who had tiny hands and feet ! Frantic phone calls were made to my 2 sisters-in-law and within a few hours of receiving the news Badi Jijji was in Kanpur to share all the excitement ! Chhoti Jijji ,helpless due to the distance factor(she was then in a place near Calcutta) had to share her pleasure with her immediate family as she could not come immediately.
Meanwhile next day as soon as Kaka and Mini heard of the news they came to meet us …they were excited about the coincidence of the 2 birth dates of our children…26th Jan. and 15th August…and Kaka went a step further and got the news published in the newspapers the next day about this coincidence, and the news item also mentioned that the boys having such significant birthdays have been named as Gantantra(republic) and Swatantra(independence) respectively by the parents ..!
The hospital stay was again around 15 days . Once back home ,this time Maa ,knowing the arduous time he had gone through the first month during Dumdum’s time ,volunteered to stay the night with me, and so she would come every night and help me out with the nightly regimen .Maa suggested a name for the new born which we all readily accepted …and the name which had a significant spiritual connotation was ..Shivanu….meaning…an atom of Lord Shiv ..! and so Shivanu he was called . As he was quite a healthy baby Dhyani nick-named him Golu…
Dumdum’s name Shantanu also had religious significance as in the Mahabharat , King Shantanu married Ganga and was father of the strong-willed and resolute Bhishma..who played a pivotal role in all the events in the epic. So the childrens’ nani performed the all-important task of blessing her grand children with names thereby defining their future identity !
Life was chock-a-block with two children .Golu clamoured for all my attention and was assertive and an extrovert from the beginning. He would wail loudly if there was the slightest delay in giving him his bottle of milk. Very soon when he was just 3 months old we noticed that he would try to hold the bottle on his own ..and soon his self-regulating tendencies dominated and he started clutching the bottle with his 2 small hands … which was more satisfying for him .What was most amusing was that after he finished the last drop in the bottle he would just fling the bottle in any direction he desired…so that we had to literally position ourselves to catch the bottle for we did not know which way he would fling it ! And that done he had a satiated expression on his face with his lips pursed up in deep contentment ,after which he would snooze for a while …when asleep he had this habit of placing both his hands ,palms facing up ,almost in a surrendering…hands up position ! Dumdum was equally amused by his brother’s traits and almost pampered him in his own way by hugging him of and on…to which Golu would utter a scream …Dumdum never showed any kind of envy towards his younger brother for weaning away the attention of his parents.
Having memorized the alphabets at school by now he would often repeat them with his own childish lisp at home.However, when he was not in the right mood and if coaxed to do so then,he would not comply to our demands ! And would instead say “A nahin(NOO),B nahin(NOO..) , C nahin(NOO..) “ and so on, thus showing his reluctance !He loved recording his voice though and would easily start his recitation of nursery rhymes if the tape recorder was on ,asking of and on”Tape ho raha hai?”(is it being recorded?) and after the recording was done would repeatedly listen to it . One evening we recorded his reluctance too..of A nahin, B nahin and so on…Shivanu feeling left out and sensing that all the attention was centred on his elder brother started a loud wail …which was his first recording of his sonorous voice !
The most redeeming feature in Golu’s face was his large, round ,expressive eyes . He learnt all the required postures very soon and was quite a sturdy baby … instead of giving him powder milk (which Dumdum had consumed for a year almost) we started feeding Shivanu with buffalo—milk (as cow’s milk was thought to be infectious for the child) and that may be one of the reasons for his robust form ! Soon, as he entered his fifth month it was time for his Annaprasana ceremony and he was given to taste “kheer” for the first time thus being welcomed into the gang of cereal eaters ! though he had started relishing Cerelac ( a cereal baby food) since his third month .Anyway a formal introduction was solemnized….There were again gifts which his nani brought for him,his elder brother and everyone in the family. His buas came for the function but had to face the wrath of his father for in comparison to Dumdum’s Annaprasana they had not brought adequate gifts for Golu!….His father , feeling that Golu had been overshadowed due to the presence of his 3 elder brothers (the 2 nephews and Dumdum now!)…vented his anger on his sisters as they (specially Badi Jijji) had failed to get hand-knitted stuff and hand-stiched clothes for him!! which they had showered profusely on Dumdum. The result was that he had new woolen suits and clothes stiched for Shivanu …plus there was a new pram( the earlier one which Dumdum had used , gifted to him by his nani was rejected!) and a brand new walker too was purchased for him in due course of time…
Shivanu’s first Holi was scaring for him as he was feeling lost without his mother whom he could not recognize amidst the array of hideously painted faces that were strutting before him ! he was miserable and kept crying continuously . I, drenched in colour was trying to comfort him …but as soon as someone came near me to smear fresh paint he would become hysterical . However, the 3 other tiny tots of the family( Dumdum, Pumpum and Shantam) were having a ball…. being allowed to play with water and colour as much as they wanted !( they sure had imbibed the hereditary passion of celebrating Holi in style!) which made their Chachas and their fathers proud of them…!
Dumdum and Golu looked forward to and enjoyed their visits to their nani’s place as there they got a free hand to indulge in themselves ! They had a separate carton of toys there which was immediately ordered for by them and was turned upside down for all the toys to spill out…and the duo would have a great time. Their Chhoti nani (my aunt,chhotoma) would coax them to have knick knacks but what they loved was the tea that she prepared ….She would ask them in Bengali(her hindi was awful, so her conversation was most of the time in Bengali)”Shibanu..chaa khabe” which means will you have tea(rather literal translation would be …eat tea!) …incidentally Bengali is a language in which eating and drinking are not two different things..everything that is worth consuming comes under eating and secondly the gender factor is not highlighted !And so tea which , otherwise a rare commodity for them ,was nothing short of a treat!Chhotoma made excellent tea ..in fact she was a good cook …I still miss the dishes she used to prepare..not that they were anything fancy ..but they were delicious ,specially one particular preparation of fish was just delectable ! My mother ,on the other hand had always been a strict vegetarian …but her vegetarian preparations using minimum fat and spices were great ..and it is my good fortune that I get to eat them even now….the best part of it is that my husband equally enjoys all the Bengali dishes she makes …which is a source of encouragement for her !
Shivanu’s Mundan ceremony was celebrated in style…the mundan(ie his first official hair cut !) was held in the same temple where Dumdum’s was done. I sat with him in my lap with a bottle of water in his mouth to prevent any fidgetiness from him while the barber was doing his duty.His father ,bua and Dumdum were all surrounding him and enjoying the event .specially Dumdum ! He looked even more cute now with the bald cranium adorned with a red pagdi (turban) and a silk dhoti –kurta ! There was a grand feast in the evening with a large gathering of guests who came to bless “mundaned” boy ! His first birthday which was the next immediate event was a homely enjoyable affair . We had decorated the rooms with streamers and ofcourse there was a cake which Golu dissected ..with his brother enjoying the event …
Soon Shivanu was made to stand up and again as in Dumdum’s case his chacha contributed to this new feat of his ! He was in the habit of crawling a lot and would roam around that way…since it being summer we would allow him to enjoy his ground activities which kept him well occupied ! Dumdum had started enjoying all this and happy to have a companion would play with him though Golu always wanted to maintain his supremacy !This tendency became more manifest when he grew older ….and Dumdum, realizing his responsibility as elder brother generally gave in to his whims! Sometimes when his patience was tested a bit too much he would clench his teeth in exasperation to show his displeasure ….but nothing beyond that.But there was never any physical combat between them …nor any bad blood .
The evening outings were enjoyable as Shivanu would be taken out of the house in his pram while Dumdum would ride his tricycle and display his skill in front of his brother ! And very soon Shivanu after using the walker as support ,learnt the art of walking on his own…. When he was one and a half years old he traveled to Mussoorie …we all accompanied Kaka and Mini to their usual summer resort and it was a pleasurable trip with the children who also had a great time…though Shivanu fell down once and hurt and cut his lip …by this time he had become quite a chatterbox but surprisingly did not have the noticeable childish lisp of his elder brother .He had started addressing him as “dada” ( as we would refer to Dumdum using the term for him) ,as calling an elder brother by his name was profanity. Both of them had by now become good buddies and could not do without the other and felt complete in each other’s company ! Later this brotherly camaraderie was not just confined to just playing together but strengthened in every sphere…be it academics ,sports, school affairs ,friends etc.. Shivanu was almost 2 and a half when we went on a holiday to Mount Abu .The sojourn which was for almost 10 days was indeed a refreshing change for all of us. Both the children had small video games which kept them occupied well and Shivanu, being drawn to a particular toy which he saw at a hawker’s stall ..which was circular rings fixed with a spring and could be turned upside down…was pacified only when it was bought for him..though that became his constant play thing for quite some time.Like his elder brother he too was fond of dinky cars and had a separate set of them and often they would both race their respective cars though Dumdum(the organized one!) collected his cars and kept them in a box after the game was over ,whereas Shivanu ,having no such inclinations left that job for his mother !
As he turned quarter to three Shivanu had to start his schooling. By then we had shifted Dumdum to Wendy School from Little Folks as 1—the teaching was not geared for the entrance exams for std 1 in public schools and 2 ---The Wendy management …the son and daughter-in-law of Mrs. Nariman, the owner, had shifted to flat opposite ours in our house and motivated us to let Dumdum complete the last yearof his nursery schooling from Wendy. This change, we found did benefit Dumdum as he was successful in clearing the entrance exam of the best school in town called Seth AnandRam Jaipuria School , which incidentally was the run by Archana’ s father …and had established itself in a short period of time so much so that getting admission in Jaipuria school was nothing short of an honour !
Since Dumdum was in Wendy we got Shivanu admitted in the same school,though a different branch run by Firdaus with his wife Nina as Head mistress ,called New Wendy . It was a source of great comfort and relief for us that Nina would be around to get Shivanu accustomed to school. From the very first day it was clear that Golu disliked school as he cried a lot on being separated from his parents . Thinking it to be a passing phase we felt he would soon adjust to the school routine and look forward to it like his brother. But the crying spell continued for a very long period though Nina ,when she found him to be inconsolable even in his classroom (which prompted the other children to start their wailing), started making him sit in her own room….and when school was over and we would go to pick him up..and seeing us he would again start his howling as if regretting the few hours that he could not be with his parents. Once back home he was his usual cheerful self of course !
It was during this time that Dhyani ‘s wedding preparations were going on. We frequently visited Mini’s (my soon-to-become younger sister –in-law)place for negotiating the wedding as in the absence of his father,and bade dada not being in Kanpur this responsibility was his. Mini’s parents are wonderful people and loved to have the kids with them for such visits. The kids enjoyed themselves too in their own way for they would freak out on the fryums and cold drinks served by them.In fact this penchant for soft drinks was so pronounced in them that their main motive for visiting every party,wedding, or any other celebration was to avail the opportunity of consuming as many cold drinks they could without any restraint ! and then both would vie with each other regarding the number of glasses finished !! Soon on 11th May 1986 Dhyani and Mini got married .Incidentally Dhyani also ,being a dutiful brother followed suit in making his own choice of selecting a life partner for himself thereby saving us from weird and embarrassing situations of “seeing” girls and the tedious aftermath of the follow –up !which we had faced quite a few times before he finally and formally divulged his own choice !! However, the saving grace of such a decision was that unlike us ,the girl belonged to the same caste which brought relief
and joy to my mother-in-law and all concerned! The whole family had a gala time …and we (the 2 daughters-in-law) of the family had great fun .I with my husband did all the shopping from jewellery to clothes which was really exciting…for, the rest of the work specially the kitchen was deftly handled by Chachi ….thereby giving us all the freedom to enjoy thoroughly….there was a lot of dancing and merriment in the house which was packed with relatives and the children had a ball. Shivanu was just 2 years and 9 months old and later in the wedding photographs we found him peeping in and popping up from out of corners in several of them which was adorable…he always had a smiling expression on his face with round big eyes filled with mischief….though he never disobeyed anyone or acted belligerently...and like Dumdum enjoyed his Chacha’s wedding .Both of them got on very well with Mini too whom they now called Minima as bhabhi was addressed as Badima by them …Mini being the youngest had a befitting name !
Ever since she has come into the family we feel blessed for she possesses admirable noble qualities of head and heart, being a perfect blend of a sagacious and prudent mind and a pure ,loving heart .Her gracious demeanor and her considerate ,understanding,helpful yet unassuming and unpretentious approach is endearing and exemplary !
By now Shivanu had started displaying his serendipity in music and we soon found him strumming his fingers on any and every flat surface that met his eye…. And soon, seeing his inclination, we bought him a bongo for exhibiting his rhythmic skills… .Though the ever-increasing pressure and prioritized issue of studies did not give him the time and opportunity to attain formal training in tabla ,or honing this inherent trait the amateur artist continued with his informal drumming for a long period! ! His father sang 2 songs which became his favourites and which always started his thumping…one was a folk song…”hansi boojhein janakpur ke nari naath..kaise gaj ke sundar swami…!” and the other was a very old filmy song of the 30s….”babuji tum kya kya khareedo ge”!
His musical leanings ,however, did not lend any stillness or quietude to his hyper activity . Having a fancy for exploring new heights(literally!) ,one day,in an adventurous mood he tried scaling the window sill (which was reasonably high for a child of 3-4) and was successful in doing so too …but unfortunately unable to balance himself at that height fell down on the floor with a loud thud ! All our attention was instantly riveted to the alarming sound and reaching that room we found Shivanu hastily getting up from the floor.I was expecting a loud howl from him but surprisingly he emitted no sound even though he was picked up by his father immediately. The pain of that fall was probably bearable and of lesser impact (he must have thought) than the expected ensuing chiding he would get had he uttered a cry !
Shivanu ,being 3 and a half years younger to Dumdum had to often listen to references of our trips to Shimla and Bombay which he had not had the good fortune of availing ! and often got cheesed off listening to them…and knowing this we (all 3 of us including Dumdum,who thoroughly enjoyed it)would often tease him saying that it was a pity he could not come with us as we had had such a wonderful time ….! And though we went to various places for holidays with him and Dumdum of and on Shimla is one place which has been evading him till now…!!And then his papa would often pull his leg by telling him that he had been given to us by a rickshaw puller who was very poor and could not fend for his son which really put him off !!and he had to be pacified for some time after the hue and cry he raised over that !
As the school teaching had to be supplemented with parental assistance I started teaching both Dumdum and Shivanu in the evenings after their play time was over. Dumdum ,now in std 1 was very cooperative and diligent. However teaching Shivanu the alphabets was an uphill task requiring tremendous patience and tact! This boy ,though a fast learner had a strange knack of being able to write the alphabets upside down or in the opposite direction…A was written upside down ! and when told to write the other alphabets ….he would instantly make indented B , C ,D,G,E,P etc which was sometimes so exasperating that I was petrified how ,when and if ever, he would master the alphabets!! Soon all my fears were dispelled as he did learn writing the alphabets properly….thanks to the numerous transcription books which he completed ! Shivanu had started mastering the tables and would do his homework attentively now as he had started developing an interest in academics ! It was a treat to watch him do his sums….the way he held the pencil in his right hand and spread all the left hand fingers to count ,and would count like he was taught in school saying “2 in the mind 3 on the fingers =5”,with such an intense look on his face as if he was attempting an astronomical problem ...this was an adorable sight for us which we looked forward to everyday though this homework was done at the eleventh hour after wearing his uniform with his mug of milk kept aside and at a time when the school rickshaw was about to arrive any minute !
And soon Shivanu had to be coached for the entrance exam of Jaipuria school which was no less arduous than any I.I.T entrance one ! I rememeber we bought several model papers which we came to know was prepared by one gentleman living some 10-12 kms away from our house.Anyway once those papers were acquired ,started his grueling coaching of Maths,English ,Hindi, G.K and general presence of mind and IQ testing …and all just for entrance to std 1 of this reputed school . After 3-4 months of regular practice of the subjects bearing in mind the latest trends of the exam papers, came the final day when he had to appear for the exam ….Giving him last-minute instructions we sent him in for the test and were really tense about his performance . The results brought great joy and relief as he did fare well and got admission into,what was arguably ,the best school in town !
By this time,noticing Dumdum’s reading habit we bought the whole ladybird series of story books which he read avidly specially at night before going to sleep while Shivanu preferred being told bedtime stories by his mother !