Wishing for the moon !

Meanwhile I quite often met this neighbour of Mini's at her place for he was a frequent visitor there. Soon all 3 of us sisters were invited to his place again for his eldest nephew's birthday. There his father learning from someone that I could sing asked me to render a song . So I sang a then popular Hindi song .."chandi ki deevar na todi" and also an old English number"Think of me when ur lonely.."! which his father and the crowd there appreciated alot. The frequent meetings went on and soon both of us started looking forward to them ...and unconsciously wished to meet everyday . And so he would wait for me in the morning when I (taking the opposite direction to fetch Mini, for the bus stop was just a furlong away from my house!)also with the intention of meeting him went to her house to" pick " her up for the bus stop literally. He would be there without fail and strangely enough just the fleeting glances we exchanged and the waving to each other was enough to start the day with gusto !
A funny incident happened one day when as were waving and Mini and me were almost out of sight,at that very moment Mini's elder sister, Didi came out and chanced to see this boy making weird gestures for no one was in sight...on asking him about his strange behaviour he replied that he was checking whether it was raining or not !(though it was a bright sunny morning) hearing which she was naturally bewildered ! and went indoors. After graduating in science he had joined an engineering institute and was pursuing textile engineering . Incidentally the institute was on the route taken by our bus ....and soon I found him waiting for me to wave out to me when the bus crossed that institute. Such things never go unnoticed..and soon the inmates of the bus ,my co-passengers observing this regular nuance started teasing me though they were compassionate enough to offer me the window seat as the bus neared this special destination !
Nothing on either side was said ....no confession of any kind was made ..yet the eagerness to meet each other and spend more time together was our prime concern. With the proximity of my Board exams I was unable to spend the evenings at Mini's and this prompted us to take recourse to other ways of clandestine meetings ! for he started coming to my place to meet me....we would stand at our gate and chat...entry being restricted to unknown boys ! One evening I was studying on the terrace ofcourse with the intention of seeing him and as soon as he came out on his verendah(that was visible from one angle of our terrace)we started acknowledging to each other ..and all of a sudden my mother came up...(who had by now sniffed and sensed these strange developments) so seeing her he immediately ducked and was in a half-squatted position moving into the room when his elder brother happened to see him like that and was dazed ! when asked he (who has a terrific presence of mind) said he had dropped a pen or pencil and was looking for it ! must have been a comical sight indeed .
Another episode which happened as a result of being spotted by my uncle(kaku comes to my mind. Our gate chats continued ....we were unmindful of the people who passed by and noticed us talking for such things were taboo then(a boy talking to a girl alone). It so happened that one such dusky evening, it was almost the twilight hour(that was the time we chose for our meetings) we were engrossed in ourselves when kaku , who had gone out returned and caught us red-handed ! as kaku glared at him demanding an explanation he promptly said that Mini wanted my Atlas for some consultation..that being the reason for his conversation with me..and I (shaking with fear of having been exposed) went inside immediately and got him the atlas which he took and just plonked it into an utterly-baffled Mini 's study room through the window muttering incoherently about me sending it to her..a thing which she did not require nor had asked me for it ! she was foxy enough to put 2 and 2 together ... and understood the gravity of the situation ! I ,however,had to face the silent wrath of Kaku..who was in a sullen mood after that encounter !
By the grace of the Almighty I secured a first division in ISC with highest marks in English...85%which was then thought to be a very high score ! somehow that decided the future course of my future academic pursuits leading me to opt for Post Graduation in English . Ofcourse all this I forsee in retrospect .For the present, euphoric at my success I started college life with zest though college I found was very different from school ,allowing more space and freedom. All of us i.e those of us school friends who had joined this college to do our class 11 ,called intermediate then ,found ourselves sudddenly free from the shackles of school captivity. There were no strict rules about coming or leaving college or even attending classes ...such freedom was unexpected and definitely welcome after the rigorously strict rules and regulations imposed at school. So with the first taste of real freedom we felt on top of the world and started exploring even more novel ways of refuting whatever rules were there in college ,thereby having a whale of a time.

Madhu. one of my batchmates in SMC ,known for her mischievous ways which were kind of strangulated at school ,not being allowed expression ,now let herself go and did the most unexpected ,scandalous things at college. One day she ,restless to leave the college to have chaat at a famous nearby thela" tried to woo the watchman cajoling him to allow all of us to leave the premises for sometime... the dutiful watchman ,however, was not willing to allow any such violation and turned a deaf ear to Madhu's appeal. But Madhu was also not someone who would give up her plan of going out for chaat so easily ..and in desperation she ,to our utter shock and surprise ran wildly towards the watchman and pulled the equally- shocked watchman’s long “chutiya”(long tail of hair at the back of the scalp) ! and instantaneously jumped over the huge gate of the college signalling all of us to do the same ! which of course we weak-willed and scared college girls ,still not well- adapted to our new-found freedom ,found impossible to follow ,though secretly marveling at the dare-devil attitude of Madhu . The result was that in the absence of the real culprit the watchman sensing that we who were standing near the gate ready for flight were hand -in-glove with this defiant girl, vented his ire on us …but he was kind enough not to report the matter to the principal !
College being synonymous with freedom proved to be a boon for us …the young friends ( as we called ourselves ) as it provided the opportunity to meet …without feeling the uncomfortable ogling glares of passersby during our evening chats . And so we started frequenting particular restaurants….the flip side of it was that we had to shell out some money to sit there for almost 1or even 2 hrs ! money was a scarce commodity then as we were both students. So I started saving the crispy notes of my pocket money and he extracted some money from his mother to make both ends meet !! realizing the worth and value of it in life !
I must mention here that my neighbour,friend and schoolmate,Mini had incidentally met a guy called Kaka and there was a love affair brewing there too. Kaka belonged to a known family of Kanpur rather U.P. and a family which was also affluent since they had several higher education institutes all over the city and state and added to this he was blessed with a heart of gold ! and so soon when things came to the knowledge of her parents and as soon as her graduation was over she tied the knot with Kaka. Kaka being a maverick , was on the road to becoming a self-made man , and was endowed with noble qualities of compassion, warmth and large-heartedness. …which won us over and we all got very attached to him in no time. This flowered into a long-lasting friendship to the extent that Kaka would always want us to accompany them on every holiday and thus many a memorable trip followed as a result (ofcourse that happened when both of us were legally eligible to join them for such outings !).
I graduated a year earlier than Mini from a p.g college of the city which was to be my Alma Mater . Having secured a first division in intermediate – I thankfully did quite well in graduation too securing a first div. and the 16th position in the university…not very commendable I know but enough to establish my academic standard among my friends ! In this particular girls’ college I started participating in a plethora of activities like debates , dramas etc which was indeed not only highly entertaining but also very fulfilling . I opted for post graduation in English Literature in the same college though the history teacher who had taught me the subject in the undergraduate course wished me to specialize in that subject . Somehow I managed to convince her that English was what I desired to pursue and reluctantly she agreed. Studying English Lit. was wonderful as it has the excellent attribute of appealing directly to the heart and the sensibilities ! and since my heart ,at that point of time was cloyed with hushed, glorious love, the subject applealed all more to me !
All these intervening years had contributed to transforming this “friendship’ into a mature commitment of facing all odds that came in the way of uniting us permanently. Thinking of anyone else as a life partner was inconceivable ..it was to be him and no one else ! Destiny ,however, had planned an ardous journey for us before our wishes could attain fulfillment. Two catastrophic events happened which placed us in a dilemma about our own future so much so that we almost decided to quit in order to follow the behests of filial duty . It so happened that his newly-married ,elder brother met with a fatal accident in the premises of his work place….which was shattering for the entire family. The loss of a young son is irreparable for parents and can be felt only by one who has to suffer this agony….This rude shock was almost intolerable for his father and he succumbed to a massive heart attack the next year coincidentally in the same month ! The maxim ‘misfortune never comes alone’ was never so true….Just six months after the demise of his elder brother ,he had gone to Nagpur to appear for an interview and it so happened that to ward off the high fever from which he was suffering he took an overdose of crocin as that interview was extremely crucial for him at that stage …for there had been a showdown in my family regarding this alliance and the “ do or die attitude” they found in us had startled them though they had a valid point that since this young man was not settled (as in didn’t even have a job)nothing fruitful could come out of the whole episode . And so in utter desperation, to kick-start his career he, unmindful of the repercussions of an overdose of crocin(which he still suffers from) gulped down several of them..and appeared for the interview in which he was successful. However, by the time he reached home he was in a terrible state…with a violent eruption of the severest form of allergy …which enmeshed his entire body and by the time it subsided it had taken a heavy toll on his health reducing him to almost a skeleton !though it was as though he had got a fresh lease of life !
With this kind of an unexpected upheaval caused by all these events we started feeling that probably this alliance which neither his nor my parents were ready for( there being so many dissimilarities of caste, then province ,then language, then food and culture ,only religion was the same thankfully) would not fructify and would hurt both our parents ! We unwillingly and resentfully thought of separation …which we did honestly attempt for some time but the yearnings overshadowed the earlier decision and he ( who was always positive ) explained to me that things could work out and would work out for us as we wanted ! and sure enough that proved to be true !
His father being an erudite scholar was quite happy with my academic leanings. I had the good fortune of going to him one day for some help and learnt about his excellent command of English …I returned home highly impressed by his vocabulary. Later I gathered that he had specialized in History, Hindi and English, had done LL.B and was a doctorate in History! He was head of dept of History in a reputed p.g college of the city and also had the rare distinction of being an I.A.S examiner and Professor Emeritus ! Besides I learnt that he was an excellent orator and a noted author too having written books on Ancient Indian History ..! His life was a dedication to pedagogy and education …for he was always engrossed in the pursuit of knowledge . And he died in harness for ,though he had retired just a year before, he was still actively engaged in scholastic work and when he breathed his last I was told that he was as usual surrounded by books, and was engaged in evaluation work. Such distinguished people are born to fulfil their purpose in life and become eternal and immortal through their deeds !
Simultaneously disturbing events were happening at home now that our torrid affair was known to all .I tried my level best to convince my mother about the positive aspects of my choice in vain while she ,in turn made similar efforts to make me understand the numerous disadvantages of such a match . Kaku too was quite disgusted by these developments and his irascibility had to be suffered and tolerated both by me and my mother . From the meek ,timid and obedient daughter I had suddenly transformed into a defiant and disappointing person . So to pacify us it was decided by Kaku that we would be allowed to meet in our house itself …and the hour given was 5 – 6 in the evening. Elated and almost obliged by this favour he would come every evening punctually at five ! and both of us were allowed to sit in the drawing room in the presence of my cousins-Bulbul and Munmun (who had somehow always extended their unstinted support being quite fond of him) for an hour or so , though that was paltry compensation for us ! I was then on the verge of completing my graduation . Kaku forseeing that this turn of events could lead to what he had never dreamt of immediately started consultations with my elder paternal uncles and my 5 maternal uncles …I being fatherless , there was no one to take an exclusive decision about my future . A declaration was soon announced by Kaku that he would have to come on an appointed date and time to meet all my paternal and maternal uncles and satisfy everyones’ queries . The day came and punctual as he was, he entered exactly at the given time to face what was nothing short of a formal interview . A volley of questions regarding his career, his mother’s adamant attitude towards the affair and its effects in future, my future life and comfort zone ,were lashed at him one after the other which he successfully tackled …so that ,almost defeated my uncle tried to give it a last shot by saying that I had confessed to him(i.e Kaku) that I would discontinue with this relationship. Incidentally I was not allowed access into the drawing room during this session. So surprised at this fresh turn he said he was ready to accept this fact if it came directly from me….and I ( almost trembling with trepidation) was ushered into the drawing room ….and Kaku told me in Bengali to say that” toomi bole dao tume okay B.A korbei naa”( translation….”you tell him that you won’t marry him”---B.A in Bengali means to marry). I was sitting there stupefied when he intervening , butted in by promptly saying that “ why should I not complete B.A …for that had nothing to do with this affair”! little realizing the hilarious blunder that he had made in misunderstanding the delicacies of language ! I and I am sure the rest of the august gathering there did not know whether to laugh (they dare not) or remain unperturbed by such an intrusion ! Mustering all the courage AND confidence that I had kept aside for this occasion I remember I shyly and meekly confessed infront of everyone that I would marry him !! Everyone was naturally aghast and one of my cousin brothers who was there on this solemn occasion asked him whether he was ready to go through all the hazads involved to which he assured him and said that he would marry me “by hook or by crook”!! The audience was astonished as well as impressed at the confidence and commitment of the young man in question !
After the stormy session was over one of my maternal uncles consoled my mother by showing her the immediate positive effect it would have on me , saying that when a girl is married to a Brahmin she is naturally uplifted (by caste) and that she should reconcile to the match as the BOY seemed to be an upright person with good values who would definitely care for me. This counselling did have a wholesome effect on my mother for she then felt slightly assured about my future.
After serious consultations and vacillation the elders announced that they had agreed to the match but conditions applied ! and were to be followed by both of us. The condition was that the marriage could not take place in the near future as according to my horoscope the next three years were inauspicious for any such union …and moreover it was not advisable for us even to meet each other ……..it was their one last frantic attempt to avert the inevitable from happening and the best way was to stretch the time factor and our patience as they felt that”out of sight” would definitely mean “out of mind “ little realizing the other imminent possibility of the oft-quoted aphorism that absence made the heart grow fonder !
The year 1977 began with much academic activity as I had to soon appear for my final year exam (M.A..Final) and I plunged into hectic study schedules making extensive notes ,reading texts and consulting reference books. My efforts were well awarded as I not only secured a good first division but also by the grace of The Almighty ,the first position in the University with the declaration of a gold medal which would be given to me on convocation day ! Besides this I was fortunate enough to bag The Best Student Of the College award…a silver medal …which I was felicitated with in a grand function at college . Laurels, which brought happiness to everyone in the family and near and dear ones and also somehow tried to appease the simmering discontentment of elders in the family !
Music had been my forte since quite some time. I don’t know when I came to be known among friends to be a good singer. Since school days I would often sing on the request of my friends. …and later on I started formally learning music from a renowned music teacher of the city ..Afzal Khan Nizami who tutored me at home in classical,semi-classical and light music. It also entirely goes to his credit for initiating and arranging musical recitals which I rendered in All India Radio ,Lucknow and once introduced into that fraternity I occasionally received letters from them informing me about the date of my next musical program. This continued for quite a few years and when the newly-formed Lucknow Doordarshan started its telecast I was given an opportunity to give a musical programme which was telecast later. My father had always wished me to be trained in vocal music and for this he had also purchased a good harmonium which was put to good use once I formally started learning music.
Later that year I got an offer from a reputed college…Christ Church College to substitute for a lecturer who had gone on long leave. A fresh post graduate, I did feel butterflies in my stomach on the first day when I entered a huge classroom filled with students almost of my age and that too with boys rather young men sitting there(for it was a co-ed college) though my fears were alleviated once I began teaching. After a few days the H.O.D ,Mr. Chaudhuri asked me to take post graduate classes too…offering p.g classes to a fresher like me was a great favour . And so on his request I also started teaching p.g students and today one of my students is himself Head of Dept of English in a particular college …D.A.V College. One day when I went in to lecture the p.g students I found them restless and not in the mood to study …on probing them I was suddenly startled to hear from one of them( this gentleman who is H.O.D now)that they had heard of my singing skills and wanted me to render a song ! I was speechless and felt that compliance with this demand may mean violation of college rules( rules had to be followed then!) but the pestering from all quarters of the class went on ….and I had to accede to their wishes and sang a Hindi film song which met with a loud roar of applause! Even now whenever I meet this gentleman (belonging to the same fraternity)he never fails to bring up memories of that particular day !
The intense ,all-absorbing ,soul-consuming affair continued to blossom with hopes of fulfillment in the near future . In our small Puja room I would fervently and frantically pray to all the Gods there to make our union a reality. There was one thing in the midst of the stiff opposition we faced and that was our unwavering faith in God ! and if that unquestionable faith is there all impediments gradually give way !