Nostalgic Reminiscences

Encouraged by the acclaim of my loved ones which they showered on me unabashedly after reading my first blog I feel the need to write more ! The suggestion given by my daughter(in-law..i don't like using this suffix) to write about my past life ,more so my childhood has triggered off revisitations of the past though i have the sinister feeling that an account of my childhood will be of little interest to anyone.Nevertheless I am going down memory lane...though the recollections are quite hazy...
My earliest recollections of my conscious childhood are about my father. I,being the only child was the cynosure of my parents' eyes. ...i could very well guess that even at that young age of 5(not sure about my exact age though), for children are definitely endowed with that sense which forms the basis of their emotional security, later on transforming them into confident adults. I remember my doting father, his playful endearing ways ,my mother giving me endless sums to solve and teaching me to read and write Bengali(that being my mother tongue and i owe whatever proficiency i have in it to my mother), my paternal uncle and aunt, the mansion-like bungalow we stayed in with3 sprawling gardens,the veritable zoo that we had at home--hens(the poultry farm had hens of the leg-horn variety)a pair of ducks,rabbits,a deer,a turkey,pigeons,multi-coloured birds ,2 parrots , The aquarium which was constantly upgraded by my uncle and of course our cute dog, (a cocker-spaniel)Togo and later on the alsatian, Johhny; the small school which had just one teacher, Mrs Noah and where all the officers' children were sent for their basic education after which they had to leave the small township of Dhariwal for further studies, the lavish birthday parties I had in which all the neighbourhood children were invited and that dream-like township of Dhariwal .Earliest memories of Dhariwal are still etched in some corner of my mind... it was the serenest of places on the map of India(havent explored anything better as yet)with a cute small station where only two trains arrived and departed, and which boasted of the then nationally recognised Dhariwal Woollen Mills which still had Britishers at the helm of affairs(even after the British had been ousted for a good 12-14 yrs approximately).Dhariwal is in the state of Punjab...infact on the border of punjab and himanchal pradesh ..its proximity to the hill -state gave to it all the trappings of a mini hill station as the place had a wonderfully pleasant climate and ( i still vividly remember)
snow- capped mountain ranges which were visible right from our house!!
My uncle whom i addressed as kaku, had a particular fondness for animals and had literally fed our alsation, johnny with milk right from the bottle as he was an infant when he came into our family. My mother tells me that johhny was my constant companion when i was a kid and was always with me when i was taken out in the pram by my mother for my evening outing. Johnny ,however was given away to someone as the Chaudhuris dog had bitten our servant,kaka and my parents did not want any such mishap to be repeated ....so Johny was sent away. A few days later, one morning the whole family was astounded to find johny outside panting and as sson as he saw my father and uncle he just rushed towards them almost hugging them supplicatingly as if begging themnot to send him away. If only dogs could speak they would be more expressive than humans ! He had travelled almost 100 miles from Palampur(where his new master stayed ) and found his way back to his earlier abode... this confirms the loyalty and faithfulness of dogs..
The parrots were trained to speak and used to speak punjabi..."mia mitthu, chaniya khaniya"!And it was a treat to watch the deer running...almost like the wind flying across...so swift was it!
My first friendship was with a British girl named Susanne as then children of only senior staff were allowed in that one school which was there. I am told the club organised various events and christmas party was the highlight of the year .My first stint at acting began when i was a kid and when in one play i was given the role of the WIND! I wore a white gown and had to run swiftly puffing like the wind... speaks alot of my earliest histrionic skills ! which continued till my college days.
My father was the chief accounts officer in Dhariwal Woollen Mills..and thereby the coveted few Indians in the senior staff of the organisation.He was not a C.A ( as is now required for the post) but by dint of his practical expertise,his hard work ,his dedication and above all his cordial behaviour and genial temperament had carved a niche for himself in the organisation and had become the favourite of all and sundry in the mill. Not only in the work place was he very popular but even at home, with the family,with relatives, friends, and esp. children . Everyone just loved him for he encompassed in him all humane virtues ....was extremely affectionate, kind, helpful,generous ,forgiving which made him almost divine in nature ....He would go out of the way to help anyone in distress whether it was a peon wanting some advance for his daughter's wedding or his wife's illness or any officer in need of monetary help ...my mother tells me how the entire staff from senior most to the peons howled at the news of his death... all the junior staff were crying and saying that" humare to maa--baap chale gaye"....I shall come to that most morbid chapter of my life later...........when my cosy life took a somersault and turned everything topsy-turvy ...never to be set right again...
My father's younger brother i.e my uncle (kaku) and his wife (whom i addressed as chotoma) formed part of our immediate family..as it was a joint family..all of us living together. Kaku was the cost accounting officer in the same organisation (dhariwal woolen mills)and like his elder brother a dedicated worker. Brotherly camaraderie had the perfect example in these two siblings. They would walk to office together matching step with step almost and return together---if one had to go early for work the other would accompany him , if one had to work late the other would wait for him to finish but at no cost would they return separately. My two cousin sisters who came 4years after i was born (the second cousin just a year after her elder sis was born) were my first impressions of sibling security-- and companionship..
I cannot forget the Chaudhuri's.....Mr and Mrs.Chaudhuri a bengali couple ,very aristocratic in demeanour ,and their 3 sons.....Like my father mr.chaudhuri was some senior manager in the dhariwal woollen mills and my family shared a very close friendship with the chaudhuris. My earliest impression about their aristocracy goes back to the time when once while i was playing there i saw them having mangoes with a knife and fork (a thing i then found incredible!)My father's love for travel coupled with the chaudhuris similar fondness resulted in all of us making frequent trips to nearby hill stations like dalhousie, dharamshala, kangra, chandigarh,then even agra and all by road(my father and uncle would drive their car and the chaudhuris had a chauffer-driven car)--and all these above mentioned places were so beautiful that though memories are not clear yet i remember the beauty of these places . We would frequently go for picnics together to places like madhopur, nurpur, kangra valley etc and i remember the delicious mangoes we used to have at madhopuir sitting with our feet immersed in the beas river. it was heavenly...!the mangoes and the cool waters of the river..Travelling was not restricted to just nearby areas...for all of us made trips even down to south india..till Madurai, Trivandrum, Rameshwaram -though i dont remember anything of these sojourns. Amritsar and gurdaspur were 2 places we went every week end for shopping as Dhariwal was not well -equipped and hardly had any good shops.
My parents were quite social as they had a number of friends and every saturday there was a study meet..wherein all the friends met either at our place or the Chaudhuris or the Ghosh's ,read out Ramayana or Mahabharat ,discussed politics ,played scrabble and had dinner together.
That cute school i mentioned earlier had just one room and it was in that room that i went through what today the preschools call playgroup, lowerkg, upper kg and prep...even std 1 and 2. All the students irrespective of their age ,mental level or class studied in that same room under the tutelage of the only teacher Mrs. Noah who sure did justice with her work as my foundation for future schooling was laid under her able guidance.It was there that i met and made some friends who i am still in contact with....Neeru nagaich, her brother, Ranjan nagaich, then mita bose(dont have any contact with her though). The Nagaich's were another family my parents were very close to as before moving into this huge palatial bungalow they had been neighbours.....nevertheless as Mr.Nagaich was also in that one and only respectable organisation in Dhariwal the proximity continued. I am told that their eldest son , Raju was always at our place and my mother and aunt (for then neither i nor my cousins were born)kept fussing over him the whole day! Ranjan was a year elder to me and Neeru a year younger .
All of us were in the same school and same class(incidentally our class comprised of just 3 students)...and i think Ranjan stood first, I stood second and Neeru
third...!(justified going by the age factor !). Time and Place have not severed our friendship as I do keep meeting both Neeru and Ranjan occasionally and often go back to our enchanting childhood days .
We had developed a very close affinity with the chaudhuris. Their 3 sons were famous for being academically bright students for i always heard my parents talking of that and were studying in the best schools of calcutta---that being their nani's hometown too. Incidentally Mrs.Chaudhuri whom i had fondly named 'annama'(which means 'another mother in bengali)was half-european as her father had married a european lady . But the British aristocracy was more apparent in Mr. choudhuri who could not boast of any such overseas family connection rather than in Annoma ! She was an extremely down-to earth , warm and affectionate person whom i grew to love and respect alot so much so that even after we left Dhariwal I maintained a steady correspondence with her for several years. In fact this correspondence which had waned a bit was renewed lately and continued till the time of her passing away this year in the month of May. My mother too had always been in contact with her through exchange of letters and met her when she visited Calcutta as they were very good friends. She was a noble soul. I was talking of her 3 sons...whom we addressed as jhontu dada, montu dada and rontu dada. The 2 elder brothers were not in Dhariwal as they were studying in Calcutta, visiting their parents only during vacations, but the youngest of them Rontudada was quite friendly and filled up the void created by the absence of a brother. I remember him always grinning cheek -to -cheek and pulling our leg(me and bulbul and Munmun) and also playing with us. But soon he also had to leave Dhariwal as after completing his schooling he joined IIT,Kharagpur and then migrated to the US..in fact his ekder brothers were alreday there in US and he joined them soon. Annoma kept us updated about them,their marriages (i had attended the wedding of the eldest...jhontu dada in Calcutta),their offsprings ,their jobs ,their wives etc..
A few years back Rontudada gave us a surprise by visiting us and staying with us for 2 days on his visit to India . He was in California then...the visit revived old memories and old albums were seen and fresh photos were taken...which he sent later on after developing them. It was as if the years had rolled back...
There was a time when my grandmother(my father's mother who stayed with us ) already anxious about our marriages ......had started match-making with the choudhuri off springs! and I am told that she had also managed to forge an alliance with them as in it was understood that either the second or the youngest son would be the future husband of her grand daughter! Ofcourse that never happened..Fate had ordained otherwise .... Talking of my grandmother brings back memories of her telling us stories and her daily drudgery of getting Bulbul to lie down with her in the afternoon to listen to her stories in vain....for Bulbul was a tough nut to crack . She found the story-telling boring and preferred to spend the afternoons wandering in the lawns with a stick in her hand (always)and probably playing her own games with the servants. I was the good child as she never had any such problems with me... personally I enjoyed her stories . Unfortunately she passed away too soon probably when i was 6 years old.
My father had 4 siblings..3 brothers..2 elder to him and one younger(kaku) and a sister who was the eldest.My grandmother I am told had this age- old desire for a grandson but as fate would have it ....her 4 sons had already 5 daughters among them...my eldest uncle had 2 daughters , the second one had one daughter ,an only child, then there was me..her third son's daughter and then Bulbul , the youngest son's daughter ! so when my aunt ( chotoma) was in the family way (just after bulbul was a year old) my grandmother pinned all her hopes of being blessed with a grandson at last ...but alas . ...as luck would have it...her hopes were shattered and her wish of a grandson remained unfulfilled as chotoma was blessed with another daughter ! So she now had 6 grand daughters in all still probably harbouring the desire of a grandson which was never granted to her !
However ,I must mention here that I was born ten years after my parents were tied in wedlock and strangely the same feature was repeated in my uncle(kaku's case)! My mother told me that those ten years before my arrival were difficult times as my grandmother was always complaining about her daughter-in-laws' inability to beget offsprings .... she would often say that a house without children is inauspicious...even birds and crows don't hover around such homes!....which explains why I was the apple of everyone's eye from the day I landed on this planet ! and though my grandmother may have wished me to be a son she forgot about it as she was overjoyed to have me .. Bulbul and Munmun may have thwarted her heart's desire too for not being male children...but her happiness was enough to banish all such grudges from her mind. And so we were all a happy family!
The infinite power in words revives and restores inadvertently bygones from the labrynthine depths of the mind . Likewise memories I had also forcibly banished are gradually returning to the forefront.
So after I had academically established myself by successfully clearing class 1 and 2 ,my father after alot of consideration, decided that he would have to put me in a boarding school in Delhi if my studies had to be continued as there was no other school in dhariwal for further studies i.e beyond std 1 and 2 ! The nearest would have been in Amritsar which was just 2 hrs from Dhariwal....but then the dream of educating me in the best of schools goaded him to send me to Queen Mary's School , Delhi which was then a reputed institution in line with Jesus and Mary convent and the likes.. So from the portals of a protected home and sheltered life I suddenly found myself facing the harsh outside world. I had a big trunk with my name printed in block letters SUPRIYA BOSE ,ROLL NO.45.....my own name appeared formidable to me staring at me like that ! Getting aquainted with an independent life away from the precincnts of the haven of home was extremely difficult for me even though my father had given standing instructions to the warden of the hostel regarding my food habits ...and would confirm about that from time to time from the warden. The warden was an amiable lady, sweet in mannerisms though strict when she meant business. What I detested there was the strict regimen of getting up by 5 o'clock in the morning, going through the morning ablutions ,wearing the school uniform. then polishing my shoes (which i thought was cruel), making the bed myself(which again appeared to me to be preposterous!)and finally start with the day's routine....all this initiated a strange depression in me which stayed throughout the day for I was terribly homesick. Till today I feel it is tyrranical to send children between 7-13 to hostels for as much as ambitious parents may affirm that their wards enjoy themselves there...i do not agree with them for I have known the pangs of loneliness and homesickness which children of that age group suffer....for that is a period when they start knowing and savouring the love and affection of their parents and the cosiness of their homes ,and that is the time they need it the most
But when parents are not there.....God has other recompense in store ...and this came to me first in the form of the hostel warden and then in the form of a good friend I made there....her name was Priti and she was the one who through her kind ,compassionate nature gave all the affection I was hankering for. Life was not dreary anymore though the bouts of homesickness never left me....Priti and I became inseparable...I used to hang on to her as if she was my anchor . We were in the same class where Mrs. Lal's(the class teacher)sonorous voice enlightened us with the course of std 3. After our classes were over we got an hour of leisure ...i loved that hour for then both of us would take out knick-knacks from our boxes.....lollipops,sweets and other confectionaries that we had and enjoy them licking our mouths and chatting and even laughing. But the most exciting part of it all was the day we were all taken to the market for any shopping we needed to do. I remember all of us had to be in a straight line with the warden keeping a strict vigil on us but nevertheless these outings were wonderful as we replenished our stock of lollipops and other confectionaries ! My maternal uncle who was living in Delhi was my local guardian and would pay me occasional visits to the hostel and would also take me to his house for the week ends sometime. My parents too visited me from time to time but i was grief-stricken when they left and this mood continued for quite a few days before i regained my normal composure. Later i was told that my father was a shattered man since the day i left home ...his loneliness was too acute ...and he was all the time fretting about me . I am told he left eating mangoes for I loved mangoes and he was pained to know that I did not get to eat them frequently.Little did he know then ( and i wish he did) that i would be marrying a man who would dispel all his fears of me not getting to eat enough mangoes! for my husband, just like my father is well aware of my penchant for the fruit so much so that
I am fed with mangoes of all varieties possible till the last phase of the mango season and till the fruit is visible in the markets even if it costs a whopping 70 or 80 rupees a kilo!!
But alas we do not have the ability to look into the future and must suffer the present. My father's desperation was more than can be imagined. I had been in Queen Mary's school for around 8 months when one morning in the month of December my maternal uncle came to school ,had a secret meeting with the principal and warden who summoned me immediately
and my uncle took me to his house. Without any formal explanation I was told that we would be going home ...my spirits soared at the thought of home... and soon we were back in Dhariwal. However , on arriving at my house i sensed something unusual as the gates were open, several unknown faces surfaced infront of me and I was perplexed and at the same time shocked that my parents, my uncle-aunt ,my cousins did not rush out to meet me .The one familiar face I saw was Kaka's (our servant)and i was overjoyed to see him at least amidst the sea of indifferent humanity.Naive as he was he gave me the cruellest shock of my life as he bluntly told me that my father had died! I did not know how to react...my maternal uncle had not given me the faintest idea of the catastrophe ......and my first reaction was to disbelieve my servant for i did not consider him an authentic source for such an explosive issue ! As i was led inside the house i found my elder uncles, aunts ,my maternal uncles aunts as well...who petted me and ushered me into my parents bedroom .There i saw my mother lying in the bed all huddled up so that her face was hardly visible, surrounded by my aunts and other relatives. I was in a daze and then slowly when someone whispered to her about my presence she raised her head to look at me....her face was shrivelled up and she looked terribly weak ...she glanced at me and started crying....I don't know what i did...the magnitude and gravity of the situation had yet not seeped in...but seeing her cry i also started crying. I could not register what had actually happened..just that i could see everyone expect my father around .... even for a very long time after that i could not come to terms with the fact that he was not there any more. ...expect that i deeply missed his presence. I overheard later and learnt that my father had suffered a massive heart attack which proved to be fatal.He was rushed to the local hospital when he complained of chest and shoulder pain but ironically the German doctors could not diagnose it as heart attack and thus time spent there was time lost...When there was no improvement the next 2 days Mr. choudhuri decided to shift him to a bigger and better -equipped hospital in Amritsar. The doctors there immediately diagnosed the indisposition and started treatment and medication to counter the heart problem started but all was futile as my father could not be saved and succumbed to the attack. Later when my mother regained her normal consciousness and when she narrated all this to me she consoled me by saying that at that time..heart attacks were uncommon and probably the reason why it could not be diagnosed in my father's case........ that ill-fated day when The President Of Immortals snatched away my father from me was 9thDec, 1963....a date which haunts my memory to this day .
I was soon sent back to the hostel for a short period . Soon my uncle who could just not bear to go to office alone and even stay on in Dhariwal with so many memories of his brother decided that we leave the place. His bosses were very sympathetic and transferred him to the sister concern of the organisation in Kanpur-- British India Corporation. I was called back from the hostel ..i had to leave that school as it was decided that with my cousins i would be continuing my schooling in Kanpur.
I have firm faith in God's ways and definitely believe that what He does is always for one's good....however, it is on this issue that i cannot find an answer still. why did this have to happen....?What good did God see in sending this calamity? The only credible answer i got was the age-old adage that God also needs good people with Him ..which is why this happened ,but why did it happen to me.....is a question still unanswered . I have tried to find positive answers to it by consoling myself that it was in Kanpur that my future happiness lay.....which God has given me in every form and in abundance now!
But at that time who could have had any premonition of the future.? Tragedy had struck ..and had flung at us the severest blow causing an emptiness and blankness to all who were immediately affected by it. So at the age of 8 yrs and 9 months to be precise I was uprooted physically and emotionally.. physically as I left school and left Dhariwal , and emotionally as I was now faced with an irreparable loss which would gradually make itself felt more poignantly as time passed and would have long-term repercussions . I cannot explain in words how very unfortunate it is for a child to lose a parent at such a tender age. The loss is unfathomable at any point of time in one's life but when it happens in one's childhood , it saps one's life-force !

The earliest and happiest recollection of my first few years in Kanpur were of the school where I along with my cousins were admitted.... I was asked a few questions by the headmistress , sister Margaret and on the basis of that and my half-yearly report card( as i had not been able to complete std 3 there)I was given a promotion and admitted to class 4 without completing class 3 !likewise my younger cousin,bulbul was admitted in class 1 and a year later munmun joined us in the same school.....the prestigious St. Mary's Convent which till today enjoys an enviable status in the arena of school education in the town.
On the home front life was pretty bleak.....I always found my mother lying down ..getting up only for the most necessary tasks. She had turned into a recluse ..not conversing or meeting anyone. If old aquaitances did come to meet her she would start weeping which would go on for quite some time... and she would become more withdrawn after they left. I dreaded such guests. The result was that besides talking of bare-minimum regular features we hardly spoke to each other. I was kind of afraid to speak to her as i felt anything could upset her and cause her to cry....for i noticed that even if i performed well in school and brought back a good report card enough to receive applause from parents...it would make her cry. By the grace of God I did do well in studies though academic success only disturbed my mother even more. Later when after graduating with a good division and position in the university and securing a scholarship ,I asked her why she cried at any merit of mine she explained that it reminded her of my father and how much happiness I would have given him if only he were alive..and also she had this inherent regret that I could have been exposed to better options and would have been brought up differently had he been there...
The trauma and loneliness I was suffering at home would have become insufferable if it was not for the company of my maternal aunts and cousins who were frequent visitors to our place. I developed a strong camarderie with my maternal first cousin, Aloka/Pucchi for we were in the same school and would go on talking endlessly about school, teachers,events and friends ....which was what I looked forward to. School was a respite from the loneliness and dampened atmosphere at home and besides no one in school ...my so-called newly-made friends knew about my filial background. That was another weird complex I had developed gradually of not divulging my deepest sorrow to any one....i guarded it tenaciously....for i felt I would be singled out and be treated differently if any one came to know of it...and thus i became an introvert .I had friends ...i visited their houses when they had their birthday parties. I found them part of a happy family...father, mother, brothers or sisters...and what i noticed specially with a heavy heart was how well-dressed the mothers' of all my friends were and how cheerful they appeared--sadly in stark contrast to my mother. However the secret that i was fatherless was soon out as some of my friends started visiting me at home to play with me and my cousins. My cousins were there with me, my uncle and aunt looked after me well...but I could not overcome that void and acrimony that my father's absence had created and which was becoming a part of my personality and psyche. Another strange complex which had gripped me was my being an only child... I hated having to say that I did not have any brothers or sisters when posed with this normal question by friends.I beat about the bush and finally i started telling lies that I had 4 brothers and 3 sisters....4 brothers were my 4 maternal first cousins and 3 sisters were pucchi,bulbul and munmun .
By the time I was in class 9 all this clutter in my mind started waning....I found myself almost normal for I could now confess to my friends about my father,mother and my single status as a child.I felt better....almost like other normal children. The other good thing was that my mother was not now confined to bed all the time anymore...she had started taking interest in domestic affairs and would also occasionally visit my maternal aunts ' house with me. This miracle( and i call it miracle for i never visualised my mother reverting back to a near-normal state) was brought about by my masis who perpetually goaded her to come out of her shell and face life and more so by her guru...swamiji whom she had met when she went to my maternal uncle's place .It was his counselling that brought about this miraculous change in her . I remember going to Uttarkashi where my eldest maternal uncle was posted, then Gangotri which is near uttar kashi. Pucchi and her mother(my masi) had also accompanied us to these places and it was great fum spending a month of our summer holidays in the beautiful natural flaura and fauna of these places. Uttarkashi is a small hamlet surrounded on all sides by hills....and has the mighty ganges flowing through it roaring away...I dont know since when i had this fascination for hills.....for even now I am enraptured seeing hills and snow capped mountains/ rivers etc... I recall that Pucchi and i had trekked all the way to Gangotri around 12 miles or so as in those days the roads were not motorable .....so while my mother and masi took horses ..we enjoyed the enchanting beauty of nature as we walked along...the stately hills all around and the Ganga flowing majestically down below...It was quite a memorable trip as it was also my first pilgrimage ! this was in the year 1967 when i was studying in class 7...
At this juncture I would like to elaborate on my maternal lineage . My mother had been part of a huge family before she got married. She had 10 siblings..! incredible and blasphemous in modern times ...! there were 6 brothers and 4 sisters excluding her. And I have always sensed a strong bonding amongst all of them. My nani who was a workaholic { in domestic chores of course} was a perfect homemaker. She excelled in every possible domestic activity... her cullinary skills were highly pronounced ---she was famous for her delectable jams and jellies, pickles which she kept on making and circulating among all her children ;her needle work was par excellence...she used to embroider huge bed covers and almost all her grandchildren were gifted beautiful 'kanthas'( sheets used for covering)... i was presented with one such exquisitely embroidered kantha --which i treasured alot... . she was adept at every household chore which she did herself and managed a huge household which comprised just not her immediate family but also other relatives who were all staying together for in those days joint family system was the order of the day. I remember my nani.... age had withered her face but her lovely complexion had stood the test of time... and that indomitable spirit was unquenchable in her .I was not fortunate to see my nana as he had passed away before my youngest masi was born. she was a posthumous child. But nani was there till I was about 12 yrs old. Living in such a large family with so many siblings was naturally invigorating and is always a learning experience.....the caring, sharing, adjusting ,forgiving and sacrificing tendencies are the key to a happy joint family and these virtues form the basis of domestic harmony and security. So my mother had experienced a great childhood though the struggle was immense. All my mamas were brilliant students but due to paucity of funds and since they had lost their father at a stage when not one of them was an adult, they had to start working and earn a living , though they were diligent enough to continue with their studies simultaneously. My motherand all her sisters were meritorious students but could not complete college studies for the same reason. Nevertheless they all proved to be good housewives and were educated enough to assist their children in their studies !