29 STATES

Chetan Bhagat's popular autobiographical novel 2 STATES which was adapted into a hilarious movie that hit the blockbuster charts was one example of the rampant phase of inter caste , interprovince / interstate even interreligious relationships ,alliances that culminate into marital unions .Such alliances are undoubtedly promoting intercultural relationships , acceptance and assimilation and contributing in their own way towards the Unity in Diversity ideology! Our country propagates varied hues and shades of its facade ... different cuisines, food , customs , languages , mannerism , social practices , traditions, festivals , music , dance , art , paintings, attires , dress sense, theatre , films , accessesorizing , political ideologies ....the list of varieties seems endless . Besides , each of the 29 states can boast of their own glorious past, sung and many unsung brave freedom fighters , revered godmen, saints , eminent poets , men of letters , brilliant politicians ,gamechangers , sportsmen/ sportswomen , actors , singers, dancers, painters, .....every state has its own rich literary and cultural heritage ! Generally a country may be having a few separate states or provinces and at best a few different dialects but overall every country projects a uniform systematic way of life , socio- culture pattern and a uniform code of conduct . As per my understanding, I think we are the only people despite having so many dissimilarities are yet living together under the name of one country . This unique characteristic is indeed interesting , intriguing and phenomenal. The last two decades have seen a surge in the merging of these differences by way of marriages. With the female species now making its presence felt in every work place plus the thriving multinationals where the young from various parts of the country are working together in a conducive manner have prompted and promoted interstate and intercaste alliances . So relieving parents of this one be-all and end-all gravest of grave responsibility of getting their children "settled" ie married off well , youngsters are now deciding for themselves and choosing their life partners .By the way this is definitely not a new phenomenon ....the parents of the new wave youngsters may also be of diverse backgrounds and have successfully pulled it off really well till date ! In the previous millennium such diverse alliances were considered hazardous and problematic also a social taboo due to which the daring dating partners underwent several rounds of counselling , coercing to abandon the relationship, and even emotional blackmailing ! However, this generally falls on deaf ears having little or no effect on the head over heels in love couple Notwithstanding all this and overcoming all the stressful perplexing circumstances , some fortunate few have tied the knot against all odds ! For the new millennium kids life has been kinder in this sector as once they choose their partners they just need to inform and yes in some cases convince their parents about their prospective son / daughter -in-law .That's it ...and the rest of it till the marriage preps and the ceremonies is comparatively easier as parents of both sides are ready to comply and adjust for the happiness of their wards. What happens post marriage and once the so-called "honeymoon period" ends is ofcourse another story may be not-so-sweet for many ! After all the ever increasing separation and divorce rates express the stark reality ! Now the blame for this cannot be completely shifted to intercaste / interstate unions ....even the " "Arranged marriages" where foolproof measures are taken for ensuring lifelong compatibility from matching horoscopes to selecting similar family backgrounds , economic status and tailor-made groom especially the bride who is expected to be all - knowledgeable in all fields including managing a new born , waking up early in the early hours of the morning fresh and in the best of sprightly spirits , dressed appropriately, doing puja and then beginning the household chores ...which includes personally attending to the needs of every family member are unfortunately in many cases breaking up. I know this apoears to be a typical scene from a TV soap or even a typical Indiam film but reel life and real life are not very different . Cut to the "love marriage" duos .....generally speaking in most cases they are the ones who have taken leave for this event may be during their Christmas vacays and have stipulated time to spend at home post their wedding and very soon they are off to their customary comfortable foreign homes.The precious time that the parents /family members have with them is no doubt spent in indulging in them .BUTit is expected of the daughter-in-law to be updated at least with some of their traditions and dos and donts! Hailing from an absolutely disparate background and upbringing , living upto expectations becomes difficult unless the new family members are supportive and understanding. Though this is a short phase for the new bride, once married living with the spouse in a foreign land, is also altogether different from the dating / courtship span. India is a land of festivals happening round the year....one ends and we start looking forward to the other which is round the corner .What is remarkable is that each festival is celebrated in different ways in the different 29 states !!! So as soon as some festival props up the calls from home instructing how to observe it as per their custom start pouring in and in most cases it is expected that instructions are followed in toto. Now for a person of a diverse traditional culture who is not much updated or has not even witnessed the spouse's household customs and rituals ...it is certainly difficult for her / him to . Every individual is rooted to his / her cultural background , the food that plays an important role (realised later by the couple) , the language. the mother tongue etc . And it should be that way ....we must be rooted and take pride in it. And it is well nigh impossible for a person to give up , abanfon and forgo one's own belief systems .So here is where the problem starts brewing suddenly and gradually taking an alarming form when there is lack of communication , balanced thinking and the readiness to accept and what ensues then tears apart the very sanctity of this beautiful relationship called Wedlock . It is not that adjustments do not happen...they do and the individual concerned does his / her utmost to learn and practice the required norms/ customs so that the family , the partner can take pride in it and not face any uncomfortable or embarrassing situation .That is how an 'Outsider' becomes an 'Insider' with the help ,support and acceptance of the spouse and other family members . An understanding and patient spouse can facilitate this in a major way . Assimilation, Acceptance and Adjustment are the three key words that play a pivotal role in making a compatible relationship, a secure emotional bond and a stable future . Then the offsprings can be given a happy and secure home combined with an upbringing that in turn teaches them to accept and enjoy diverse traditions ! If Baisakhi and Pongal can be celebrated together by observing the customs of both spouses it will be more enjoyable , if Durgapuja and Navratri can be enjoyed simultaneously it is always more festive ! No one should deride , condescend , mock or ridicule the others ' customs , traditions , food habits , if they wish for a harmonious life . My intent is that we need to merge our differences and come to accept the varied trends and assimilate them in our own psyche . It is only and only then that the interstate and intercultural marriages can be successful and happy . Ultimately each one of us is yearning to capture the most elusive , ephemeral state of HAPPINESS for which we all aspire to mould our future with partners with whom we can hope to reach that state of blissful togetherness !